Online matchmaking was revolutionary when it hit the video game scene. Instead of playing on a 4x4 inch section of a tiny television with your friends on split-screen in their dorm room, players had the opportunity to plasma-punch a Spartan in England or speed past a racer from Colombia. The gaming landscape changed, and with that, so did gamers. The days of anonymous insults and Internet trash talk began with 13-year-old kids verbally abusing 30-year-old men after proper virtual destruction. With the creation of matchmaking also came the genesis of certain "characters" within the multiplayer landscape:
5. The Leader
The last thing I want to do after taking orders from my idiot boss all day is to come home and take orders from K1LL3Rsn1perFTW in Call of Duty. What? Oh, he wants me to go guard the shotgun? And now he wants me to provide cover for him while he gets all the points? Ok, that sounds… STUPID. SO. STUPID. Listen, I understand your need to feel above others and to have their undying loyalty to your awful commands, but I get online to play a freaking game and relax, not to go through boot camp under the direction of someone I don’t know.
4. The DJ
If I wanted to listen to your friend’s brother’s band playing slightly off-key covers of My Chemical Romance, I’d come over with a pack of Smirnoff Ice. It’s not that I hate your friend’s brother’s band (I’m sure they’re the next Beatles), it’s just that... 1. MCR sucks. 2. I own a radio. 3. I own an iPod. 4. I own a computer. I don’t need your questionable taste in music impairing my ability to efficiently take down terrorists via Xbox Live. If you’re going to listen to your shameful iTunes collection on full volume, TURN.OFF.MIC.
3. The Mouth
“MOM! YES, I’LL BE DOWN FOR DINNER IN A FEW! Sorry, guys, my mom is…NO, I WANT MACARONI! JEEZ, WHY CAN’T YOU JUST…ok, back. Oh, hold on. Phone’s ringing. Hello? Oh, hey bro. Yeah, I can’t believe it. I got a C- on it. Whatever, as if I’m ever going to use math in the future anyways. Alright, bye. Sorry, guys. Back. OHHH, YOU LIKE THAT HEADSHOT? EVERYONE, stop what you’re doing and watch my replay! Why isn’t anyone talking back? Hello?” Hi. You’ve been muted since we’ve been in the lobby.
2. The Judas
There are only a few things that can ruin your amazing Win Streak. Most of the time you’ll be disappointed, but not angry, at how you lose. Disappointed that a legitimately better team bested you. Disappointed in yourself because you know you could've landed that grenade where you wanted it. Disappointed because you know you could've taken that turn a little better instead of accelerating into a guard rail. Sometimes, you have the luck of getting the one guy who likes shooting his teammates, running them off the course, jumping off the map, and just outright being a D-Bag. There’s no real reason for them to kill you, they just do. They come online to specifically destroy that killstreak you’ve worked up, laugh at your pain, and log out. There are much easier ways to get people to hate you, you know!
1. The Cheater
THE CHEATER. How is it even fun for you? YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE! You honestly expect me to buy into your rocket launcher normally shooting 10 rockets at once? You really think that everyone in the game with you believes you have unlimited nitrous? Infinite mana, a modded controller / console, magic wizard armor that doesn’t let bullets penetrate... come on!. You’ve made a huge mistake. Yes, you may have the most points in the game, but at what cost? Everyone in this match is going to report your shortcut-taking-self and get you booted. Until you buy yourself a new gamertag and resume your war on genuine fun and good times. God, I hate you!
Subject: 5 People We Love to Hate in Multiplayer Games 
Mon May 16, 2011 2:22 pm
