crapgamer
Number of posts : 10061
Age : 42
Location : Florida
Gamertag : thecrapgamer
PSN : crapgamer
Karma : 15007
Registration date : 2009-01-21
 |  Subject: The Science Behind Teabagging  Sun Jul 24, 2011 8:38 am | |
| Teabagging – A phenomenon commonly experienced amongst the multiplayer community in which a player will crouch up and down on another (usually dead) player’s body. Known as teabagging as the average mans pair of family jewels often give the impression of being a soggy teabag.
You may ask yourself why somebody would rub their scrotum up and down another player’s body repeatedly – and we at Gamer Euphoria think we have the answer.
For many years now, scientists believed it was the mating ritual of the depressed, lonely basement-dwelling loner, but after finding out that 92% of teabaggers were in fact male, and that 85% of all teabagging took place between two males. This was then believed to be either something completely different, or merely gamers being overly exuberant about their sexualities, with demonstrations of bouncing ones genitals onto fellow members of the male community.
Early on in our research, we focused mainly on teabagging being a part of our natural sexual urges which came naturally with the thrill and excitement of killing another player in an online game, that of which could only be satisfied by making your character go up and down on a corpse, but then we figured – nahhh, gamers are cool and get enough sex in the real world as it is without the need to take out their urges on a video game.
However, we soon realized that the vast majority of this action was taking place on the deceased as opposed to the living. This led us to corpses. – Why dead bodies? Originally we thought necrophilia may be the issue that’s responsible for teabagging, as after all, it’s not everyday that you see somebody smothering a dead body with their testicles. After considering rigor mortis & the hardening of the organs, we decided such a stiff topic was best left untouched; as after all, we didn’t want any premature eruptions in the media.
History books teach us that teabagging has been taking place for millennia, in fact, one of the first ever recorded cases of teabagging took place between Jesus and a Velociraptor, after Jesus was forced to take down the unfavourable Velociraptor (also known as Timmy); after he threatened to destroy the lovely town of Jerusalem while pretending to be Godzilla. Not only was this a momentous occasion for the town of Jerusalem – but it was the beginning of a new era. Mankind had evolved into the glorious sweaty-balled teabaggers we cherish and love to this very day.
Anyhow; back to the matter at hand – why do we teabag? Well a quick look at our DNA reveals a lot of the answers. Approximately 67% of all males and 32% of all females have a defective gene, known as the ‘saggius ballus’ gene. At this stage in time, we don’t know all that much about the gene, only that if either of your predecessors have it, you yourself have approximately a 2/3 chance of inheriting it if you’re male, or in the region of 1/3 chance of inheriting it if you’re female.
It’s believed that this gene was born as part of a genetic mutation, brought on by exposure to radiation, emitted by what scientists believe to be a meteorite. Coincidentally, the meteorite in question is the one that supposedly wiped out the dinosaurs, (excluding Timmy the Velociraptor of course.)
Not only does this gene trigger something within our systems, practically forcing us to get down on our knees over our fallen adversaries, but it also gives us the power to relish in the glory of rubbing our manhood’s all over our opponents, making us feel momentarily like gods amongst men. This was our story, our destiny…our legacy.
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w01fsk7aag
Number of posts : 4882
Age : 29
Location : The Dirty Dirty
Gamertag : w01fsk7aag
Karma : 5399
Registration date : 2009-01-26
| | Subject: Re: The Science Behind Teabagging Sun Jul 24, 2011 8:18 pm | |
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